Day 18 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Today, I'm worried. I'm worried about money to be exact.
After all the emotional rollercoaster I was in last week, I have now my spot secure (supposedly) and now I'm completely freaking out because we have to design didactic material, plan a presentation and talk about each other's states. I'm not good at that.
Then the financial support we were supposed to recieve to pay for plane tickets, accomodation and well, food; is not going to be in my hands until I buy the tickets myself and they have proof that I'm actually spending the money on that. WTF If I had the money to be buying plane tickets to Europe I'd have gone there on vacation already and wouldnt be looking for jobs there as a way to support myself while I get to know the place.
I'm not sure if I'll make it, my parents said we could sell my old car, which my dad has been using since his car broke down. And we still have mom's truck so we wouldn't be on foot all the fricking time. I might sell a few things, I might sell my guitar :( which makes me even more depressed than not going to the UK.
Now I'm thinking that if I get enough money to buy the tickets and pay for my first month there (because I wouldn't be getting paid til after one month) then that's great. If I don't then that's cool, I won't beat myself up because of that. Who knows I might use what we make to go to the HP park in Florida with my family. :)
Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia.
I just don't know what to do anymore. Do I still really want to go?
Sexy: Youtube musicians, especially British Youtube musicians. More especifically, this one. Why, yes, Dave. I AM alright.
Unsexy: Realizing you might gonna have to worry about nickels and dimes for the next year or so of your life.
Song of the day: What's Wrong by Blue Skies. "I hope you're not looking for sympathy, darling" ;)
ETA: Tracyanne Campbell is so badass, I want to be like her when I grow up, also, her dress HERE? fabulous
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