In spite of all the danger...

This week has been an emotional one.

In spite of having an awesome, awesome time last weekend. Did I mention it was awesome? I went to Brum to celebrate my friend's bday, she's also an assistant and I felt that if I were to spend my birthday here I'd want to spend it with friends. The girls who live there were absolutely super nice to me, and gave me mexican food and jalapeños, since they were smarter than me and packed some cans.

I often try to find similar things between sheffield and my home town, we're an industrial city, sheffield is an industrial city; they have hills, we have mountains*... but sheffield is quite small compared to Monterrey, I surely felt more of a big city vibe from Brum that made me feel at home, oh, I wish they would have sent me there instead.

Just to give you an idea, the first night I was there we went straight from the coach station, where they picked me up, to the cinema. Since there were no tickets left we went to a club, still carrying my backpack and sleeping bag. Getting drinks for free, dancing to Tina Turner in the gay bar I was dragged into. Walking out of said bar at early hours in the morning to go grab a bite to eat, witnessing a street fight between two guys while we were inside of the restaurant eating our chips, then seeing how a mature woman, maybe three times my size, pull down her pants and moon a police officer to apparently "show the injuries" she recieved from said fight. This was just the first night I was there.

We were supposed to see HP7 while I was there but we simply did not have time, and with as much fun as I was having, I didn't even care (blasphemy!) I still haven't seen it cause now nobody in sheffield wants to go with me, but I'm holding on alright. Spoiler free still, I keep joking with some of my friends that I might wait til next year and watch the DVD before seeing the second part, wouldn't that be EPIC?

But yeah, back to the emotional part, I came back on monday and it was my mother's bday, while she was out shopping when I called my dad and sister (and younger cousins who are visiting) told me "we have a surprise!" then sister leaves the room and brings my dog along, and she picks her up to show me the dog is as fat as a watermelon. Well, maybe not a watermelon, more like a papaya. My baby is having babies, and just then and there I started crying my eyes out, I must have cried for like five minutes before I could hold it and start talking again. While I absolutely adore that she's preggers and I so wanted her to have puppies, it suddenly hit me, I won't be there. I'm missing out on that and I already felt so guilty for leaving her behind. Most people don't get it, mom even said that I have cried more for the dog than what I have cried for them, and I might have, but see, I can talk to my parents, I can speak to my friends and see everybody on skype, and I can see her as well but she can't see me. I call her name and she starts looking for me, like if I'm there when I'm not. When I was thinking about buying a dog, someone told me that when you get a chihuahua you never feel alone, and that's true. She's been there for me when boys were jerks, when my job sucked, when I was fighting with my parents. I just wish I could let her know that I love her and that I haven't forgotten about her, how do you explain that to a dog? My only consolation is that I know my best friend will be there for her when she goes into labour, I already told them to text me, at whatever time it happens.

To make things worse it was my mom's bday and I only talked to her for like an hour. It was my favourite cousin's bday yesterday and she was going through a crisis and I couldn't be there for her, I know her so well that i know she only needed a hug and someone to calm her down cause as I told her, everything was just fine, but I wasn't even able to do that. And today's my aunt's bday as well, with everything that happened this year, we're so lucky to have her with us one more birthday, AND I just heard her daughter (my cousin) is getting married too. Talk about missing out on celebrations. And this is just birthdays, imagine how I'll be when Christmas comes around.

I didn't tell a lot of people about this, just a few close friends, but people did notice here. My housemate asked me if I was alright, she never asks me things. My boss asked me how I was doing, if I was adapting well to the place; we never really work together or talk at all since he's french and I'm mostly with the spanish teachers, so that was odd. The other assistant and the teachers-in-training just kida left me alone, which I appreciated. But despite being homesick, I'm doing okay.

They say it might snow tomorrow, and while I'd love to see it, I would love to see it from my window, close to the heather, wrapped in my duvet and drinking tea, not walking in the cold to go to school. Meh, I just hope I can survive the cold. Most of my students must think I have a very limited vocabulary since I only talk to them in Spanish and when they see me in the halls and ask me how I am, I usually answer "Cold!" I bet they think it's the only word I know, just like they can only answer "Bien!" when I ask them the same question.

I don't feel like going to visit another town this weekend, apart from the cold, I don't get paid til saturday and I should really clean this place. I'm starting to forget what colour the carpet is! But I might change my mind.

To balance this post, here's a list of hings that make me happy right now:
- Skype: paulo coelho is having a contest on twitter, he asked "what is joy" my entry was "right now, the skype incoming call sound" it makes me smile every time.
- cadbury chocolate. I don't think I need to elaborate more.
- Christmassy decorations. (that's sheffield's rail station btw) And anything that has to do with Christmas, I'm just blocking the part where I won't be home and focusing on the decorations, the food and tv shows. I already started putting the christmas playlist on repeat and I should be starting to read Let it Snow (yet again) sometime this weekend.
- Glee and Modern Family. I adore Kurt and don't give a crap if the whole show is about him. Besides, that wedding? ADORABLE. Also I looooove Phil Dunphy** because let's face it, he couldn't get any cuter/funnier.



that's it,
TTFN




Song of the day: In spite of all the danger, cover of the Beatles by the Nowhere boys. I just watched this move and it's SO good. Thomas Sangster, as if I couldn't love you any more, you had to go and learn how to play lefty just so you could be Paul, perfect even if he looks nothing like Paul. And Aaron Johnson, what can I say, you did an awesome job as John and to me, you are will always be (to put it in Georgia's words) a sex god.
Sexy: Aaron Johnson, just look at that. Plus, guy can fuckin' sing. PLUS, he seems to like older gals. Bad side? He's engaged to 43 year old director, sam taylor wood, and they're expecting a baby.
Unsexy: Creepy guy at the bus, like yeah, I can be nice to the neighbors but don't expect me to star/keep a conversation with you for a while. He either lives near or works near my house so I just get off a stop before or after mine whenever I see him on the bus, but that's just cause I don't want him to see where I live. Not because I think he could try anything anyway.


* I'm already working on a love/hate sheffield post, I just need to... finish it.
** Also working on a theory I discussed with my friend F, about how I'm only attracted not only to older AND married men, but to men with children. I'm such a failure sometimes.