drained

I talked about my family to my students this week.

How ironic.

I didn't show them many pictures. I said I'm not that sentimental like to carry around things from them. I know assistants who even brought a bit of their mother's perfume and their brother's cologne to be able to smell it and remember them. I said I didn't need any of that stuff. Because I truly believe they are always with me.

My aunt passed away this week.
She was a couple of years younger than my mom. She had been sick for a while but everything was under control when I left. And this was one of my biggest fears coming here.

I begged my sister to tell me if anything happened. To her, to my uncle, to my parents. I knew anything could happen, so I begged to always keep me up to date and be honest. I told her I'd rather know sooner than later.

My aunt had been in the hospital for a week, and even if there were times when it seemed like she was going to get better, she was still pretty sick. I'm just glad she's resting now. I'm also glad my family is better, they looked so worried, they looked tired when I talked to them on skype.

But after talking to them tonight I can see that they're better. I can see that they're at peace. Well it was more like they talked to me cause I couldn't speak, I've been crying all night.

I just wish they know I'd give up everything, I'd give up everything right now just to be able to give them a kiss and a hug.


“We all want to do something to mitigate the pain of loss or to turn grief into something positive, to find a silver lining in the clouds. But I believe there is real value in just standing there, being still, being sad.” - John Green