Sunday, November 15, 2009

about being broke and the 100% perfect girl

First, as promised -- puppies!










He got the award for best costume.


I love going shopping with my mom, I think it's the only time we really have fun together. Also, trying on clothes when they're playing the Little Mermaid soundtrack in the dressing room = perfection.


I bought a new coat, and dresses and lately I've been ordering books online, I need to stop soon. But I don't think I will since I keep finding jewels like this one:




Haruki Murakami: On seeing the 100% perfect girl one beautiful April morning
One beautiful April morning, on a narrow side street in Tokyo's fashionable Harujuku neighborhood, I walked past the 100% perfect girl.



Tell you the truth, she's not that good-looking. She doesn't stand out in any way. Her clothes are nothing special. The back of her hair is still bent out of shape from sleep. She isn't young, either - must be near thirty, not even close to a "girl," properly speaking. But still, I know from fifty yards away: She's the 100% perfect girl for me. The moment I see her, there's a rumbling in my chest, and my mouth is as dry as a desert.



Maybe you have your own particular favorite type of girl - one with slim ankles, say, or big eyes, or graceful fingers, or you're drawn for no good reason to girls who take their time with every meal. I have my own preferences, of course. Sometimes in a restaurant I'll catch myself staring at the girl at the next able to mine because I like the shape of her nose.


But no one can insist that his 100% perfect girl correspond to some preconceived type. Much as I like noses, I can't recall the shape of hers - or even if she had one. All I can remember for sure is that she was no great beauty. It's weird. "Yesterday on the street I passed the 100% girl," I tell someone.



"Yeah?" he says.
"Good-looking?"
"Not really."
"Your favorite type, then?"
"I don't know. I can't seem to remember anything about her - the shape of her eyes or the size of her breasts."
"Strange."
"Yeah. Strange."
"So anyhow," he says, already bored, "what did you do? Talk to her? Follow her?"
"Nah. Just passed her on the street."



She's walking east to west, and I west to east. It's a really nice April morning.


Wish I could talk to her. Half an hour would be plenty: just ask her about herself, tell her about myself, and - what I'd really like to do - explain to her the complexities of fate that have led to our passing each other on a side street in Harajuku on a beautiful April morning in 1981. This was something sure to be crammed full of warm secrets, like an antique clock build when peace filled the world.



After talking, we'd have lunch somewhere, maybe see a Woody Allen movie, stop by a hotel bar for
cocktails. With any kind of luck, we might end up in bed.


Potentiality knocks on the door of my heart. Now the distance between us has narrowed to fifteen yards.



How can I approach her? What should I say?
"Good morning, miss. Do you think you could spare half an hour for a little conversation?"
Ridiculous. I'd sound like an insurance salesman.



"Pardon me, but would you happen to know if there is an all-night cleaners in the neighborhood?"
No, this is just as ridiculous. I'm not carrying any laundry, for one thing. Who's going to buy a line like that? Maybe the simple truth would do.


"Good morning. You are the 100% perfect girl for me." No, she wouldn't believe it. Or even if she did, she might not want to talk to me. Sorry, she could say, I might be the 100% perfect girl for you, but you're not the 100% boy for me. It could happen. And if I found myself in that situation, I'd probably go to pieces. I'd never recover from the shock. I'm thirty-two, and that's what growing older is all about.


We pass in front of a flower shop. A small, warm air mass touches my skin. The asphalt is damp, and I catch the scent of roses. I can't bring myself to speak to her. She wears a white sweater, and in her right hand she holds a crisp white envelope lacking only a stamp. So: She's written somebody a letter, maybe spent the whole night writing, to judge from the sleepy ook in her eyes. The envelope could contain every secret she's ever had.



I take a few more strides and turn: She's lost in the crowd.



Now, of course, I know exactly what I should have said to her. It would have been a long speech, though, far too long for me to have delivered it properly. The ideas I come up with are never very practical.



Oh, well. It would have started "Once upon a time" and ended "A sad story, don't you think?"



Once upon a time, there lived a boy and a girl. The boy was eighteen and the girl sixteen. He was not unusually handsome, and she was not especially beautiful. They were just an ordinary lonely boy and an ordinary lonely girl, like all the others. But they believed with their whole hearts that somewhere in the world there lived the 100% perfect boy and the 100% perfect girl for them. Yes, they believed in a miracle. And that miracle actually happened.



One day the two came upon each other on the corner of a street.



"This is amazing," he said.
"I've been looking for you all my life. You may not believe this, but you're the
100% perfect girl for me."
"And you," she said to him, "are the 100% perfect boy for me, exactly as I'd pictured you in every detail. It's like a dream."



They sat on a park bench, held hands, and told each other their stories hour after hour. They were not lonely anymore. They had found and been found by their 100% perfect other. What a wonderful thing it is to find and be found by your 100% perfect other. It's a miracle, a cosmic miracle.



As they sat and talked, however, a tiny, tiny sliver of doubt took root in their hearts: Was it really all right for one's dreams to come true so easily?


And so, when there came a momentary lull in their conversation, the boy said to the girl, "Let's test ourselves - just once. If we really are each other's 100% perfect lovers, then sometime, somewhere, we will meet again without fail. And when that happens, and we know that we are the 100% perfect ones, we'll marry then and there. What do you think?"



"Yes," she said, "that is exactly what we should do."



And so they parted, she to the east, and he to the west.


The test they had agreed upon, however, was utterly unnecessary. They should never have undertaken it, because they really and truly were each other's 100% perfect lovers, and it was a miracle that they had ever met. But it was impossible for them to know this, young as they were. The cold, indifferent waves of fate proceeded to toss them unmercifully.



One winter, both the boy and the girl came down with the season's terrible inluenza, and after drifting for weeks between life and death they lost all memory of their earlier years. When they awoke, their heads were as empty as the young D. H. Lawrence's piggy bank.



They were two bright, determined young people, however, and through their unremitting efforts they were able to acquire once again the knowledge and feeling that qualified them to return as full-fledged members of society. Heaven be praised, they became truly upstanding citizens who knew how to transfer from one subway line to another, who were fully capable of sending a special-delivery
letter at the post office. Indeed, they even experienced love again, sometimes as much as 75% or even 85% love.



Time passed with shocking swiftness, and soon the boy was thirty-two, the girl thirty.



One beautiful April morning, in search of a cup of coffee to start the day, the boy was walking from west to east, while the girl, intending to send a special-delivery letter, was walking from east to west,but along the same narrow street in the Harajuku neighborhood of Tokyo. They passed each other in the very center of the street. The faintest gleam of their lost memories glimmered for the briefest moment in their hearts. Each felt a rumbling in their chest. And they knew:



She is the 100% perfect girl for me.
He is the 100% perfect boy for me.



But the glow of their memories was far too weak, and their thoughts no longer had the clarity of fouteen years earlier. Without a word, they passed each other, disappearing into the crowd. Forever.


A sad story, don't you think?

Yes, that's it, that is what I should have said to her.

http://www.mat.upm.es/~jcm/murakami-perfect.html


Totally not my style but now I feel like I need to read one of his books. :)


Last but not least, song of the week:




Monday, November 9, 2009

"I figured something out. The future is unpredictable."

This morning I finished and sent to Mexico city the application to go work as a Foreign Language Assistant in the UK. I've a million things which would make me not adequate enough for this position; but I also have a million more which would make me totally right to get it. I'm excited, I'm nervous, but above all, I'm freaking out. What if they say no? I've been working my whole life to get a chance like this one, go out to a foreign country, meet new people, be independent and see the world. But then I think why not?! I HAVE been putting my ass off to get everything I need for this and I'm more than qualified. And then I think what if they say YES? what the hell am I going to do all by myself in a foreign country for almost a year without my family around to help me or a decent place to live?

God, I can't wait. I'm going to keep feeling this... this emptiness inside until they call with news. Which won't be until March or so... So I'm going to continue freaking out about this until then.

My mother already informed about this to every single member of my extended family and they were all ready to throw me a Bon Voyage party but I had to tell them I wouldn't know until the begining of next year and even then I wouldn't be leaving until... June? I think.

I had to write TWO essays for the application, I guess that's what took the longest and was for me the hardest part. I'm a translator, I can tell you what someone else had said, I'm the messenger, never the writer. But I think I ended up with two good pieces, one was of the reasons why I want to become a Foreign Language Assistant, and I think it's the best thing I've written in my whole life. The other was like a biography where I had to include the 4 main attractions of the city where I live, THAT one was difficult, but I think it turned out okay. I also had to give them 3 different places where I would like to live, although they can't promise anything, but I also couldn't decide, being already on the other side of the world, who really cares? But I told them Scotland and Oxford and I might have referenced Phillip Pullman's His Dark Materials in there, I'm such a dork sometimes. We'll see... when I hear back from them I might post them here, if I remember to do so.

Speaking of books! I started reading Megan McCafferty's Jessica Darling series because certain Miss hayleyghoover recommended it and Ohmygod, I loved it. I've only read Sloppy Firsts but I'm buying the rest of the series on ebay as I type. Go.Read.Them.

I'm also expecting a couple of CD's and t-shirts to arrive on the mail :D


I also have pictures of puppies to show you but I'll probably do that later this week.


Last but not least, a video of my favorite, Butch Walker:

CLICK HERE

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Productive weekend

I told myself I was going to be productive this weekend. 
I was going to finally finish that dreaded essay and print out applications and have everything organized but I haven't. 
I was supposed to have a nice relaxing saturday but I had to work then I had to literally run to my guitar lesson which turned out to be totally stupid since the guy didn't arrive til 30 minutes after I did. But it's cool, I'm finally learning and I paid him for 3 months ahead so I'm now forced to go there every friday. 
He said it was harder to learn with an electroacoustic guitar but that if I ever wanted to take an acoustic or an electric one it would be a lot easier for me. So I'm sticking to the new one, I decided to name it Kimmy, simple because of this. And this is how she looks.


Just looking at it makes me smile so I'm gonna suck it up and learn with Kimmy. Even tho I just practiced today and yesterday and it feels like the fingers from my left hand are numb and my right wrist is going to fall off. lol

I need a mac, I need a mac soon. I don't care about the color or the memory or if it's pro or not. I just need my own computer. 

Oh yeah, I was talking about being productive. I was going to start writing when someone called to ask if I wanted to go see a movie. I totally threw everything away and went. I just thought Nick and Norah would inspire me to write something :-P

I'm off to see if I can get anything done tonight. I'd probably end up practicing a bit more anyway. 


ttfn

ps. I need a hard case.
ps2. I'm already excited for Christmas! 

Monday, October 19, 2009

Weddings and such.

According to wikipedia, marriage is: 

"... a social union or legal contract between individuals that creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged by a variety of ways, depending on the culture or demographic. Such a union may also be called matrimony, while the ceremony that marks its beginning is usually called a wedding and the marital structure created is known as wedlock."


For the last couple of months I've been invited to more weddings than I could imagine. One of the ones getting married told me is because "we're at THAT age." Sigh. I've told everyone how it's hard to find the time and the money to buy a wedding gift, and a new dress because I have a million things to do lately and because everyone has seen all the dresses I own. But deep down is more than that. 

Every single one of my friends who has gotten married distance themselves; and I understand, they are entering a new stage in their lives where they need to be selfish and spend most of their time getting to know their significant others in a much deeper level, but that doesn't mean I don't miss them.  And even if I do get to see them is different now, we are not just hanging out doing whatever, now we're having "dinners" and everything is more proper because now theyre Mrs. This or Mr. That. 

I guess it's just frustrating because at this point of my life I feel like I don't need someone to be perfectly happy. It's not that I would never want to get married is just that I don't feel like I'm there yet. I have difficulties being with the same person for a few months, let alone for spending the rest of my life with someone. 

The same friend who told me about THAT age said she didn't understand my way of thinking, seeing as I come from a perfect example of what a healthy marriage seems to be I should love weddings and the whole thing. Trust me, my parents aren't the perfect picture of what a marriage should be, but I do believe they are perfect for each other. 

And having that example is what makes me think that way, I just don't want to find someone to share a house with. I think it needs to feel right. I need to find someone who is nerdy, likes Harry Potter and the internet and who doesn't criticize my taste in music and who likes the same movies as I do. And I'm not exactly looking for that right now anyway, so this could take a while. 

Relationships don't work the way they do on television and in the movies: Will they, won't they, and then they finally do and they're happy forever -- gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced, anyway. And I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, 'cause I do...believe in it. Bottom line...is the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but, the big difference is, they don't let it take 'em down. 
...One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time, if it's right, and they're real lucky. One of them will say something. 


- Dr Cox. 
'Scrubs' - 1.15 "My Bed Banter & Beyond"


TTFN


---------------------------------------------------------------
P.S. I got home yesterday night, after being out the whole day, to find out my mother has gone to Texas to visit my aunt again. Seriously it's like I don't live in this house anymore, NOBODY tells me anything :( 
But it's cool she's going to bring my halloween costume and hopefully a couple of Maureen Johnson's books back with her. 
P.S.2. 

ok bye now
x

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Dear Blog,

I'm so, so sorry, I know I'm such a bad blogger.  I got this page so I could practice my writing *cough* you know for that... essay I still have to finish but alas there is just so little time. 

Family affairs are still delicate; I'm working very hard and my sleeping patterns are shit, as usual. I missed the pet convention because of the things I just mentioned. We try to go every year because it doesn't matter how awful your week has been, or the smell of hundreds of dogs pooping and peeing all day; puppies will ALWAYS cheer me up. They're magical like that. 
So we go and we kiss them and I usually buy Chikis a new sweater and we always take a picture with the albino ball python:


I LOVE it. 


But anyway, onto more cheerful things. 

I finally decided what I'm going to be for Halloween! I don't want to say what yet but I can only say it's not going to be Sally from NBC, even tho I would die to look like her (get it? XD)

More of my friends are getting married, which is a GREAT thing, except I don't really need to go look for cute dresses again when I'm already broke. 

Speaking of not having any money, COLDPLAY IS PLAYING IN MY CITY. AND I'M DEFINITELY GONNA BE THERE. Even if I run out of money to buy food ^_^

And last but not least, MY FREAKING JOHN GREEN BOBBLEHEAD ARRIVED THIS WEEK. I had it delivered to Texas and it had been sitting around there for a while but now it's here and it's even more awesome then what I imagined it would be. I'm just afraid I might break it.  I'm going to make a video about it when I get the chance which might not be til next weekend. 

Well, that's it from me; I hope this will do for another week or so. 

much love. 

Sunday, October 4, 2009

take all of your wasted honor, every little past frustration... say what you need to say

I hadn't written anything here because I wanted to say someting more cheerful than the last post. But it seems like things aren't going to get better, we keep losing contact and worring about others; so I decided to post this, I wrote it a while ago for my livejournal but it's still so true:

---------------------------------------------------------------------


PostSecret is an ongoing community mail art project, created by Frank Warren, in which people mail their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard. Select secrets are then posted on the PostSecret website, or used for PostSecret's books or museum exhibits.

Basically, people send Frank a postcard with a secret, there are no rules except for it has to be a secret no one has ever heard. Then Frank selects and posts 20 of those secrets on the website, obviously a lot of the secrets don't make it to the website so he puts them together for books or shows them at events or they go into a book. So far there are four books, I hope I can buy them some day. I'm not sure how much, but part of the money they make of the books goes to HopeLine, the national suicide prevention hotline.

I'm not suicidal, I've never cut or hurt myself in any physical way but I've been depressed, and I know some people started that way. The thought of losing someone I love that way kills me. I used to think someone who commited suicide was just a selfish person who wouldn't care who they left behind, now it just makes me sad to know some people belive this is their only way out. 


BUT ANYWAY, BACK TO THE WEBSITE. here are some of my favorites: 



true





SO cute. 



me, you, easy. 



either end



me too :)



<3



<333



I'm a fan of these 11:11



-------. 



I hope this is true. I lost a couple 


it pisses me off when you take everything for granted. but it makes me appreciate what I have even more. 



------.



I decided all years are going to be good years. 



after working in a nursing home, I REALLY do hope I die young. 








:(






I call shotgun. BOOKREFERENCE<3



basically because it reminded me of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ACRzPHKoSY :) 



I do that. I panic and think you have died. So please reply to me. 



sometimes



I want this to be you and me. BF<3



and you have no idea how much, kid. 



tear



Probably my all time favorite. I want someone who I can say this to.



HARRY POTTER FTW.






<3333



true to life. 



please, please, please. 



possibly my 2nd favorite. everybody knows swearing emphasizes everything. 



harry potter references :)



no drawings, no hearts needed.



ME TOO! Except I was 16.



:D



you jump, I jump, Jack. 











"I need you"



"I haven't decided where to live"











-----. 



31




lol


If you still haven't had enough go to www.postsecret.blogspot.com for this weeks secrets.
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much love.